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“Some people cannot see a priest on a mountain of sugar.” This was the wonderfully cryptic quote conjured up by Rafa Benitez yesterday as he continued his criticism of current Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson. This came only a week after Benitez made the headlines for an equally bizarre quote when he likened events surrounding his departure from Anfield to a bottle of milk. "We have a saying in Spanish, which is: 'White liquid in a bottle has to be milk'." When Benitez was further probed on the matter he went on to say "White liquid in a bottle. If I see John the milkman in the Wirral, where I was living, with this bottle, I'd say, 'It's milk, sure'." It’s almost as if Benitez is going out of his way to confuse the press and everyone else with these poetic yet meaningless quotes.

Inspired by Rafa’s creative analogies, I decided to trawl the world wide web in search of weird and wonderful quotes from talented, colourful and flamboyant characters associated with soccer.

“When the seagulls follow the trawler, it is because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea.” Eric Cantona bamboozles reporters at a press conference a few months after the infamous assault at Selhurst Park.

“For 20 years they have been asking me the same question, who is the greatest? Maradona or Pele? I reply that all you have to do is look at the facts - how many goals did he score with his right foot or with his head?” Pele settles one of football’s greatest debates. Of course it’s rather difficult to ignore the overwhelming element of bias.

"Even if there was a hand, it was the hand of God." Diego Maradona’s explanation after scoring with his hand against England at the World Cup in '86.  "I did it with the hand of reason." Diego Maradona, after smashing a photographers car years later.

“Football is simple, but the hardest thing there is, is to play simple football.” Johann Cryuff does his best to complicate the simple game.

“My greatest challenge is not what’s happening at the moment, my greatest challenge was knocking Liverpool right off their f***ing perch. And you can print that..” Alex Ferguson reveals the secret to his longevity at Old Trafford.

“The 33 or 34-year-olds will be 36 or 37 by the time the next World Cup comes around, if they're not careful.” Ex England manager Kevin Keegan offers tips to his players about how to take more care when it comes to the aging process.

“To put it in gentleman's terms, if you've been out for a night and you're looking for a young lady and you pull one, you've done what you set out to do. We didn't look our best today but we've pulled. Some weeks the lady is good looking and some weeks they're not. Our performance today would have been not the best looking bird but at least we got her in the taxi. She may not have been the best looking lady we ended up taking home but it was still very pleasant and very nice, so thanks very much and let's have coffee.” Blackpool Boss Ian Holloway goes all David Brent in his attempts to illustrate that you can win a game even if you’ve played badly.

I hope you’ve enjoyed reading these as much as I’ve enjoyed locating them. For less mind blowing and confusing information, register for our weekly free soccer tips which are emailed directly to members.

 

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Hallescher  v  Karlsruhe GERMANY 3 LIGA  8 December 2012

Our next pick comes from the third tier of German football, where I'm tipping Karlsruhe (who provided us with a win last weekend) to continue their excellent form today. They have now moved up to third place thanks to a superb winning streak of seven consecutive league games (the last three wins were by a margin of 3 or more goals). Today they travel to play an inconsistent Hallescher side that haven't won at home since August. Their home record currently stands at 2.3.4 and they sit just 2 points clear of the relegation zone before kick off. Karlsruhe have won four and drawn two of their last six league games on the road and the free scoring side look great value to do the business today. Odds for a Karlsruhe victory are too good to overlook and seem to have been overpriced by the bookmakers. Away win. 

 Verdict:     Away win at $2.10   Outcome:  WIN  Result 0-2

Soccer Goals at night